“Who dreamed the bluebells?”

January 13, 2009

Derek Jarman:

“My own feeling at the moment is as if some mega production were going on off-screen, perhaps life itself, and I’m travelling through, documenting it. The film is a documentary. I’ve come back with a document from somewhere far away. Everything I pointed the camera at (my fellow cameramen pointed the camera at) had meaning, it didn’t matter what we filmed. The film is our fiction, we are in the story. After all, film is fiction, including the news, or if you want to reverse it, all film is fact. My film is as factual as the news.

As  I look out of my picture window onto the Charing Cross Road, I see the buildings being dreamt on architects’ drawing boards. The road itself was created in the late 19th century, it’s fabricated. Who dreamed the bluebells? So, if you are making a film, you can point the camera anywhere you want. Everything is to be interpreted, as Beuys said, ‘Everyone is an artist’, and we live in creation.”

(from ‘Kicking the Pricks’, Vintage, first published as ‘The Last of England’ by Constable, 1987)


Recruitment Solutions

October 30, 2008

Readers’ (In)Digest – A story inspired by television

October 30, 2008

Waiting for Taxis

October 30, 2008

A single man, a single dream: banging.

December 10, 2007

Everyone knows online dating sites are a load of old codswallop. Why use the cold and distant medium of a screen when there are things to be written on all around you in your local area?


If your a girl and want bangs call Burrthing Richard on 07985 737 920

Your like it

Come to Northamptonshire…

December 10, 2007

Whilst on an aimless long walk in the summer, I strolled upon this estate that seemed to me to resemble (or be) some kind of military showhome. A real jewel of the Northamptonshire countryside, yet strangely not on the map (I recommend clicking on the picture below to see the sign properly)…




Later on during the adventure, I came across this massive pile of bricks.


I almost felt like I was the size of a small toy and approaching an unimaginative child’s Lego house.

If this doesn’t make Northamptonshire look appealing, you can always go to its main town to satiate your previously unacknowledged desires…click on the postcard below which has been sent here especially for you from the Grosvenor Centre, Northampton.


You really are sure of a welcome, I promise, despite everyone in the postcard looking distinctly disgruntled and avoiding eye contact at all costs.

What’s the weather like where you are?

December 5, 2007

Have I ever told any of you that I am distantly related to the notorious weather man Michael Fish? I wonder if I’m anything like him.


I hope I have inherited this man’s intuition for style and his ability to represent his personality with fashion in an innovative and captivating way.

Funnily enough, I actually feel like Michael and I have something in common, aside from our genes and a penchant for woolly jumpers. I can see it in his eyes; he’s somehow amused by his job.

This man knows that the nation’s TV viewers are hanging on his every word, anticipating whether or not they’ll need to take out a brolly tomorrow, but he can have a laugh about it and doesn’t let the power go to his head.


I’m pretty inspired by old Michael; he manages to come across as both earnest (see above) and able to engage in a good old romp of jocularity.

Assessing and reporting the risk of deadly storms must take its toll and leave you feeling existentially confused.


However, this man understands the importance of friends and serving the community, as demonstrated by the picture below.


I hope I can do him proud.

Covering it Up (more CD covers)

November 30, 2007



Nono – the Italian grandfather I never had.

November 10, 2007

Well, it’s happened again. I’ve got a cold and I need to recover, but I’m awake and it’s almost 3.00am. It has also been over a week since I saw Nono compositions being performed by Maurizio Pollini at the Queen Elizabeth Hall as part of the Fragments of Venice series, and I’ve still hardly told anyone about it. It was an amazing experience, the kind of thing that you imagine some people might call a “bit frightening”; someone in the audience at the end rather annoyingly said “this has surely got to be taking the piss.” I won’t give a biography here (although this is a good one http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C0CE7DB123EF932A25756C0A966958260). It’s certainly awkward – there are quite a few long pauses, and the live music usually accompanied by recordings which mean the music seems even less transient, inducing a sort of prolonged disconcerting state for me, at least. I kind of like Nono’s works because to me they evoke a sense of defiance. We’re not likely to get a satisfaction for our desire for harmony or even spontanaity, so do we get up and leave? Also, they remind me of very solitary nights where every noise is noticeable and has an elusive meaning, and is maybe disturbing somehow, or comforting. You could say that similar compositions have become a hackneyed part of horror films and such, but I think there’s a beauty to them, unrelated to what might be presumed to evoke fear. Anyway, I’m no music critic; you could listen to this video in the dark…

It’s not really that scary to be alone on a dark night. As I was searching for Nono videos I found this rather unrelated one by Nancy Nova (who I should have known before this night…what a woman!), which proves that being alone isn’t so bad, especially if you can do dance moves such as these and have a coat that turns into a tiger.

If you like Nono, or have a lovely Italian grandfather, you could buy these mugs (although I’m not sure about the stigmata-style red heart on the stick boy’s hand):


Brillo Mania

November 10, 2007



Due to having a cold, picking up a pen has felt a bit supernatural this week. I have been incredibly unproductive, the most energetic thing I have done being the cooking of some frozen fish fingers whilst singing Celine Dion songs in a cockney accent. However, I did find an old advert I adapted (quite badly) about a year ago and pretty much forgot about. I found it in a book from a charity shop called the Guinness Book of Products or something. It is both ridiculous and endearing to me. It’s a remnant of a loosely productive mood; I’ve put it on here because it’s a pretty funny advert anyway. Check out how many brillo pads this woman has in her kitchen! I wouldn’t mess with her.